Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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