do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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