watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
