I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i think im in europe. pls send help
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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