I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
