if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You made out with two different species that night
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
