Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
