Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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