I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
