3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
