Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Someone came in the potted fern
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
