Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
