I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
