Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
