Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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