I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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