Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
