i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
