she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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