The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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