With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize