Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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