i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
