I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
