The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
