Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
