I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
