Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize