Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
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so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
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There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
there is puke in my bra ... again
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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