me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
