who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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