oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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