one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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