Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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