I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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