guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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