Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
