Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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