i just made my gag reflex go away.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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