i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
