we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
