bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
