i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
im on a boat
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