it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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