just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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