i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
