It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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