We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How does it feel to date your dad?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
