There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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