Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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