Dude my mom stole all your condoms
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize