got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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