Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
