It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
