not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
