sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
