im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
