Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
