Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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