just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
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So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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