Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
