I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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