We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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