Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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