3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
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