Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
