im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
