I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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