I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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