I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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