Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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