my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
