STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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