I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
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My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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