that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
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did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
She needs sedatives and a leash
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I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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