He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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