Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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