Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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